How can you tell when Sam Alito is lying? Right, when his lips are moving. The Supreme Court candidate has not only been nominated buy a consummate liar, he has also been coached on how to avoid being caught giving a truthful answer by a team that included Senator Lindsay Graham, who is a member of the Senate Judiciary committee that is supposed to get at the truth. Once again we are in the position of putting someone in one of the most powerful positions in government, for life, at a nice cushy salary, a position that is supposed to be concerned with the “whole truth,” and the guy is pretty much going to lie and evasive reply his way into it. Something smells here. So Sam Alito will waste most of our time saying he did not really mean things he said and wrote, or that he said them for a different job (his principles are dictated by his opportunities), or that he has “an open mind” (until he shuts it). Nothing makes me puke like these hearings.
So, a proposal. Put a polygraph (fancy Greek-rooted word for lie-detector) on Alito. The machine will probably go up in smoke as soon as it is hooked up to this guy, but it’s better than some Democratic senator bashing his head against the wall trying to get the truth out of Alito (no, not Alito’s head, but it’s a thought). When you tell a lie the polygraph registers jagged lines of high amplitude. For example, you might ask Alito some questions when he is hooked up.
Question: “Mr. Alito, is it true that you have your mind made up that Roe vs Wade should be overturned?”
Answer: “No, I have an open mind on Roe v Wade
Polygraph:
Question: “Mr. Alito, is it true that you were aware that you owned stock in Vanguard, but still did not recuse yourself from the case?”
Answer: “Uh, what’s the Vanguard Case?”
Polygraph:
Question: “Mr Alito, do you believe that the President should be able to wiretap Americans without judicial permission?”
Answer: “Absolutely not.”
Polygraph:
Question: “Mr. Alito, is it true that your nickname in high school was ‘Sam the Masturbator’?”
Well, you sort of get the idea. It cuts through a lot of the BS and wasted time. We can establish that Sam Alito would lie to you if you asked him the time of day. So we should try to get a moderate minority on the Supreme Court instead.
But just in case Sam does make it on the court I have an alternative proposal.
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©2006, James A. Clapp (UrbisMedia Ltd. Pub. 1.11.2006)