Porcine traitor defiles the Oval Office ©2005 UrbisMedia
If you have any Republican friends left (Yes, I do, and some of then might be reading this) and the very term “Republican friends” doesn’t seem these days like a contradiction in terms, then you are well acquainted with the Republican predilection for invoking Bill Clinton’s sexual misadventures in the Oval Office (they like to say “Oral Office,” a little bit of Republican humor there). They love to go on about that, which usually gets them into Mr. Bill’s alleged “desecration of the OO,” as if a head of state never got head for state ever before in the OO. It’s just that other heads of state never had such a big contingent of vicious, hypocritical Republican jerks around to pull a private, consensual sex act into the national plaza, publish it like pornography, and work it up into articles of impeachment.
The Mr. Bill thing comes up pretty regularly as outranking any other malfeasance that might be committed in the OO—not Dick Nixon’s self-indicting tapes, his foul language, his fulminating about Jews with his pious pal Bully Graham, for example. Then there’s Reagan’s inability to remember anything about Iran-Contra. OK, maybe he couldn’t remember, but what about his snoring? Nothing, of course about the bald faced lies and deceits of the current OO (now Oafal Office) occupant that has resulted in the deaths of thousands. That should take care of the other Republican rhetorical gimmick—that it wasn’t the sex act itself, it was that Mr. Bill lied about it. He did, but nobody got killed because of that lie. Nope, for those die-hard right-wingers, Mr. Bill’s BJ trumps them all.
OK, I think it’s time we asked our Republican friends how they feel about treason coming out of the White House. Would the commission of an act that jeopardizes the security of the country out rank an act that compromised some marital vows and messed up a blue dress? Well that’s what the prez’s buddy and advisor, Karl Rove, has done. Mind you, a guy who once stole Democratic stationary and sent out bogus letters on it, among his other little tricks, is more than capable of picking the phone and blowing the cover on a covert CIA agent working on, of all things, finding out about enemy WMD! Might we be able to jump that one above Mr. Bill’s indiscretions?
Rove is as close to the OO and the prez as Monica ever was (Hmmm, ya never know . . . ). Does Georgie-Boy know the truth about Karl’s proclivities for getting after people and then lying about it. Yes, lying. Rove, rather than saying that “oral sex isn’t sex” is attempting to say that saying Mr. Wilson’s “wife” rather than her name, and then testifying that he “never said her name” is not really blowing the cover of CIA agent Valeria Plame. Sure, like the reporters he leaking this to would not be able to find out who is the wife of Joseph Wilson. Gimme a break! Does he think he’s talking to a bunch of dorks from the Red States? Georgie-Boy probably knows, but he’s too stupid to figure out that he might be able to protect his own lies, but Rove might be another matter.
Even the White House Press Corps seems to have been able to find their testicles over this one. The Secretary of Prevarication, Scott McClellan, was willing last year to say positively that Rove had nothing to do with outing Plame, which is against the law; now he says he “can’t say anything about it because it’s an on-going investigation.” That one sucks, and Scott’s a master liar. But Rove might get snagged on a perjury charge; Scott will just go on to be a PR guy for Enron or a tobacco company.
This saga may have legs if only for its ironies. Sleazeball Robert Novak was the only one to put the information in print. He’s running free, supposedly from some secret testimony he gave investigator Fitzpatrick. Judith Miller of the NY Times , [1] also got the call from Rove, but she’s elected to go to jail, probably to protect her friends in the administration. The incriminating info (email) has come from Matt Cooper at Time magazine, who figures he shouldn’t go to jail to protect a liar, or for whatever reason.
Anyway, there’s a lot of lying going on, but will it supercede “I did not have sex with that woman,” or will your Republican friends go to the well once again. Yada yada, yada . . . yes you know, and they never, ever lied about sex , right . . .?
Maybe we should give our Republican friends something other than sex to think about. [2] For example they could help us to figure out what is it about OO (which is about to stand for “Oink, Oink”) that people who occupy it and their minions lie so much? Maybe it’s the oval. Maybe we should give it a new shape. How about the Rhomboid [3] Office. Let our puritanical and hypocritical Republicans friends think about that for a while.
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©2005, James A. Clapp (UrbisMedia Ltd. Pub. 7.16.2005)
[1] She was, of course, Ahmed Chalabi’s little cozy up, and dutifully filled her articles with his bullshit about Saddam’s WMD and helped Georgie-Boy get us into this mess.
[2] They only think about it, and then it’s usually other people’s sex they think about.
[3] A parallelogram with adjacent sides that are not equal, stupid.