Christ died on the cross for your sins. (Wow, even 1947 years before I was born, I’m thinking. How can that be!?) [1] This is the hook upon which the whole Christian success story hangs. Take it away and what have you got, some primitive old religion like Zoroastrianism. [2] Redemption was a brilliant idea and the church guy who thought that one up should get a free pass to heaven, or a night with Sophia Loren, which is even better. And pre-redemption ; that’s even better. That’s like saying “you don’t pay any interest on this credit card balance for a whole year—then, you don’t pay any interest on it for any years after the first year.” That would be a helluva way to run a bank, but it sure makes for a great religion. But I digress.
The Church wasn’t always consistent (consistency not being one of their virtues). For example, it says that we are “born with the stain of ‘original sin’ on our souls.” (Hey, what happened to that free pass from Christ’s death on the cross!?) Hold on, you’re missing the point; the operative word here is “Church,” and they need a way to get you signed up. Hence, original sin—It’s the Original Sin, stupid! [3] You have to come in to get Baptized, to get rid of the original sin, [4] and then they’ve got you—you’re a Roman Catholic and, once you’re a Catholic, . . . well. So the Church has got you pretty much even before you know they’ve got you. If your parents are Catholic they sweat it out before you baptism because if you die un-baptized you end up in “limbo”. [5]
By now you’re getting the idea that sin is pretty important for religions. Important!? It’s like Ev-ery-thing, man! That’s what people show up for, the redemption. They’re afraid of dying with un-redeemed sins on their souls. You see, they really don’t quite trust the pre-redemption thing; they think they have to go to church every Sunday, pray, put money in the second collection (for the missions to save pagan babies for ending up in “limbo”). The big secret they are never told is that they don’t have to do this because they are “pre-redeemed.” Now it can be told.
I know this sounds like heresy (that’s because it is heresy). I should know about heresy. At age twelve I became—I can hardly say it without feeling the hot breath of Lucifer on my immortal soul—a Monophysite. I lived the blasphemous life of a monophysitism for six sinful years. [6] All my Nestorian friends shunned me. Could I help it if some guy came by the schoolyard and gave me the writings of Eutyches, the Archimandrite in Constantinople in AD448? I was hooked? (Hope I’m not losing you here.)
And that’s the way of it; the Church is hooked on sin. It needs it the way fish need water, the way Brad needs Angelina, the way Republicans need to screw poor people. In the final analysis any preacher, priest, Bible-thumper knows that without sin he is nothing. Sins, and we’re not talking things like murder, genocide, lying about WMDs and such—but sins like adultery, boozing, blowing the rent at a casino, surfing porno sites, etc.—are the drama of being religious. Take the sin out of life and you take out the tension, the struggle, and a good deal of the fun, and the fire, brimstone and money out of religion. [7]
I think Christ knew this. I think he knew that there needs to be a little bit of drama and fun in life. But I don’t think he went through being crucified by the Romans (and Mel Gibson) so creeps like Hitler, Milosivic, and Dick Cheney could get a free ride. I don’t think he died on the cross so we could have television pray-boys, fat-assed bishops, and the rest of the hypocritical scumbags that feed off of the guilt they put in people’s minds. Christ was a liberal rabbi who cared about the poor and the sick; if anything he died for them and probably because he cared about he little guys. He didn’t die for Hitler’s sins, or for your sins. And I don’t want to believe that he died for my sins; I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.
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©2006, James A. Clapp (UrbisMedia Ltd. Pub. 5.27.2006)
[1] Gotcha wondering, huh. 1947. He wasn’t born in 1947, you’re thinking; he’s trying to put one over on us. OK, this is really a little test, right here in this little footnote. The Church says you don’t reach the “age of reason” until you are age seven. So, technically, you can’t commit a mortal sin until then. That’s why I waited until my seventh birthday, on which I went out had some drugs, stole a car, worshipped some false gods, got laid with my neighbor’s wife, and killed a cop (let’s see, did I miss anything?). Oh, year, and dishonored my mother and father. What the heck, these sins were pre-forgiven. Right? So, you got my age now?
[2] Which I think was started by some Mexican action hero who wore and black mask and was good with a sword. (But you might want to check some other sources.)
[3] The Church can get pretty complicated n this sin business. You might want to check out Archives No. 25.2 (on “mortal sin). By the way, the Protestant churches do the same thing. They just start put with telling you that you’re a “sinner” (just before they have their hands in your wallet).
[4] You see, this sin is not “pre-redeemed” because it was put on your soul by the “sin of Adam and Eve” way before even Christ was born. Sol, as computer geeks would say, Christ’s death on the cross is not “backward compatible.”
[5] Or at least that’s where you used to go, before the Church axed the “limbo” thing after who knows how many centuries (see, I said they weren’t consistent). Now I think they jus go to some place near some outlet stores in South Dakota and wait there for the “end time.”
[6] See Clapp, James A., I Was a Monophysite Heretic Until I was Saved by Jesuits , (Vatican Press, 1972). What? You thought I was going to tell you what a monophysite is? Get real; the book is only $17.95 ($217.95 for the autographed edition).
[7] The Church came up the Confession, even though sins were “pre-forgiven. I think Confession is really to keep Catholics from spending too much time on Saturdays at Wal-Mart, and priests from asking altar boys if they “want to go camping”?