Essays & Images on Cities, Travel and Contemporary Culture. A web journal of James A. Clapp, Ph.D., an UrbisMedia Ltd. Production

Vol.3.9: The Flim-Flam Redemption

Lawty, Lawdy, Lordy!

Ya just gotta keep an eye on those Bush Boys. While the born-again one is taking his ease at Camp David over the holidays, Bubba Jeb, the fixer of elections, was busy at work on the brothers’ favorite hobby: the eradication of the distinction between church and state. The current effort, to be slipped in under that scarcely diversionary Republican Trojan Donkey, “faith-based initiatives,” is the Faith-Based Prison. 

Florida’s Lawty Correctional Institution will become the nation’s first such facility, although soul-snatchers have long found prisons ideal hunting grounds, abundant with guilt-ridden souls ready to learn a few psalms to spring on the Parole Board. It will putatively “voluntary,” but those not anxious to accept Jesus as their “personal savior” will be allowed to transfer to another institution. Presumably, this will purify Lawty of Jews, Muslims, and other infidels, since every mention of religion in the article is referenced to “Christian.”

©2003, UrbisMedia

©2003, UrbisMedia

Just what our already screwed-up prisons need: an internal Tali-con to put the fear of God into their un-saved fellow inmates. “Touch thy toes and receive the Lawd!” Never mind those expensive drug re-hab and education programs, some prayer and gospel-spouting and all those nasty recidivists will be more concerned about making it through the Pearly Gates rather than hearing again the slamming of prison gates.

Of course, being the Bush Brothers, they will still be sending a good number of cons to meet their Maker ahead of schedule. And execution by crucifixion would be cheaper and more “Christian” than lethal injection. After all, to forgive is divine, and the Bush Boys are only mere “compassionate conservatives.” Praise the Lawd!

©2003, James A. Clapp (UrbisMedia Ltd. Pub. 12.25.2003)