Paul Ryan, the Republican speaker of the U.S. House of Clods and Clowns, announced today that he will not seek reelection to his congressional seat. He intends, he says with a straight face, to spend more time with his family. However, the fact is that Ryan has quite different intentions. It has long been well-known that Ryan worships at the altar of the author of the objectivist philosophy, Ayn Rand, that being a self-centered bastard is a good thing. So, after a feckless career as a congressman and ass-kisser of Donald Trump, Ryan will grow out his hair, don a dowdy frock, and go on tour as a one-man show under the name Paula Ryand. The former congressman will continue to preach Rand’s Philosophy of selfishness and no doubt be well-rewarded by the rich campaign contributors that he paid off with his support of the Trump tax bill. While Ryan(d) claims (s)he wishes to spend more family time it is noteworthy that he has always appeared as a suitable candidate for gender reassignment.